Reading label triggers Excedrin headache

As a rule I don’t buy brand-name analgesics, which are chemically identical to competing house-brand or generics costing 4 to 15 times less.

But I did a double-take when I saw Excedrin Migraine on the shelf and, intrigued, tried to figure out what makes it different from the standard Excedrin formula, which is a combination of equal amounts acetaminophen (Tylenol) and aspirin, laced with caffeine.

That’s three minutes of my life I’ll never have back.

That’s right, there’s no difference. None.

Extra credit: Which will be first to market, Excedrin Crazy Bone or Excedrin Brain Freeze?

P.T. Barnum was right

Ooh, goody. You mean I get to watch D-list celebrities performing circus tricks badly?

They don’t call them Trials for nothing

I was at the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon, on Sunday, playing with a local blues band, when American sprinter Tyson Gay sprinted the fastest 100m ever run in human history, 9.68 seconds. (With a tailwind of 4.1m/sec, it was not a world record.) During the trials also ran a legitimate 9.77, a PR and Olympic record, as well as a more leisurely 9.85 that nearly knocked him out of the running when he pulled up early several yards before the finish line.

So I was amused to see the American Family Association’s take on his accomplishments.

Who knew?

Less of what you buy it for!

Just For Men Touch of Gray

The first and only men’s hair treatment that lets you keep some gray.*

* Half the active ingredient, exactly the same price!

It’s for the generation that swore it would never get old. And didn’t.*

* We don’t think you’re a drooling, gullible boob! We swear!

What’s in a name?

Sometimes, entirely too much. When it came time to replace the brush head of my electric toothbrush, my search ran aground on a bewildering array of options, including this one. (Try spitting this out five times fast.)

Philips Sonicare Advance SH-2 Ultra Compact Replacement a-Series Compact Brush Head

A mouthful. Literally.

Nice to know Cinemark cares

Seen on Cinemark’s website:

Note: No Children Under Age 6 Will Be Admitted To Any R-Rated Feature After 6:00 PM.

Translation: Children in kindergarten or preschool, please arrive before dinnertime. We want your money. Children age 6 and up, you are welcome to watch our R-rated movies anytime. We want your money too.

You might be from Eastern Washington if…

• you refuse to cheat and use the carpool lane in Seattle when you are driving by yourself. (Extra credit if you don’t know what a carpool lane is.)
• you know all the best Indian reservations to go to get sweet fireworks.
• you have ever wondered how it is that we could possibly be experiencing a drought when one of the largest rivers in the country is just a few miles away.
• you stop at Miners every single trip you take to Yakima with your entire basketball, volleyball, or any other team from high school.
• you ever skipped school because the pump house froze up.
• you know that Ellensburg is the middle of the state and have seen the plaque on Central’s campus that says so.
• you call Wazzu Wazzu and no one out of state knows what you are talking about.
• you refer to the stretch of rocks between the trees and the cold water on the west side as “the beach”…and you’ve actually been excited to go there.
• you’ve aimed for tumbleweeds as they cross the freeway
• you get confused when you go to the west side and see one big huge city, and then people there tell you that there are actually hundreds of cities there, and can point out the dividing lines.
• the hill behind your house burns at least once a year, maybe more.
• you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked at night.
• you think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• the local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for cattle listings.
• you know the names of the Tri-Cities.
• you know where Tree Top apple juice is made.
• the neighboring city refuses to call a snow day when there is fourteen feet of snow on the street because they think your city should call it first.
• your only exposure to big bands was at the county fair, or at the gorge.
• you know exactly what and where the gorge is, and can drive there in your sleep.

Thanks to this facebook group.

Would a chocolate bar at half price taste as sweet?

If you like Dagoba dark chocolate like I do, you’ll be happy to know that these unique creations, made right here in Oregon, are half price at Amazon Grocery through the end of April. Buy $25 worth and the shipping’s free, too.

If chocolate infused with chilies, lemon and ginger, or lavender and blueberries isn’t your thing, you can always browse the rest of the 886 chocolate products on sale. Just enter coupon code CHAWCLAT when you check out. And be sure to tell me how dark you take yours!

Dumb Words and the Copy Editors Who Love Them

Every newspaper has a style guide, such as the Associate Press Stylebook, that its writers attempt to adhere to for clarity, correctness, and consistency. Here’s the style guide I wish we’d used back in my newspaper days.

Read on…

Hey kids! Here’s a way to get drugs you haven’t thought of…

World’s dumbest TV commercial?

A kid in the cafeteria faces the camera and describes how he filches prescription pills from his parents’ medicine cabinet. This is somehow going to result in FEWER kids who raid the medicine cabinet for a cheap high. Hmm.

TV commercials depicting novel ways to abuse drugs. As a deterrent.

Wonder how that’s working.

The anti-drug indeed.